The Mormon Prophet
The Mormon Prophet can provide the guidance that is missing from your day-to-day life, with his searing visions of the future. For ethical reasons, his identity is swathed in litres of artificial fog, although he has been known to drink orange juice.
If you can't piss in a bottle, fart in a jar. There is a hidden meaning in this prophecy. This hidden meaning will not be revealed, because it is hidden, but it has something to do with recycling. Incidentally, councils who don't provide a proper recycling bin, or who only collect papers on a fortnightly basis, will end up with a lot of newspapers in their bins.
Sometime in the future, it will rain.
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