The Mormon Prophet

The Mormon Prophet can provide the guidance that is missing from your day-to-day life, with his searing visions of the future. For ethical reasons, his identity remains a secret, and there are no naked pictures of him on the Internet.

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune! Having recently sunk to despondent lows over some predictive difficulties, the Prophet was very pleased to receive the following piece of fan email recently:

are you an x-mornon or what? where did you get all these crazy ideas on prophecies in the future according to mormonism. I was just wondering, um I have been mormon all my life and I like your ideas concerning all this stuff, so are you on a mission and you wrap your vibrators in socks during the winter. Well that's just great !!!! Well I'm not mormon anymore so seeing your prophecies in your Gusworld spiel was fun! Ya!

Although the Prophet is always received to please communications from his followers, he must admit that this prediction is a bit wide of the mark. The Prophet is not ex-Mormon; he is the only true Mormon. There is no room for doubt. There is no room for vibrators, come to that.

Sometime in the future, it will rain.

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