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Direct To Video
Meet Yuppy Mantalk!

Our ratings system

In addition to allegedly witty and incisive summaries from Yuppy Mantalk, Direct To Video also rates each movie on four key scales: Predictability, Plausibility, Performance, and overall Patheticness.

PREDICTABILITY rates the extent to which you can predict the entire plot of the movie five minutes after it begins. The cover blurb often plays an important role in this. 1 means the movie is full of unexpected twists; 10 means the entire plot is lifted wholesale from somewhere else.

PLAUSIBILITY rates how believable the plot line actually is. 1 means that Mission Impossible was easier to follow; 10 means that it's almost true to life.

PERFORMANCE rates the acting ability of the key performers. 1 means a performance that William Shatner would be proud of; 10 means a performance that William Shatner would really be proud of.

PATHETICNESS gives an overall guide to how lame this particular work is. 1 means not that bad, 10 means run to the hills, kiddies, and don't forget those vomit buckets.

In making our assessments, we have assumed that DTV movies are, inherently, of a lower quality than conventional films. Thus a 10 performance in a DTV would still likely elicit the comment 'Lorenzo Lamas sucked ass!' in a proper film.


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