Gusworld: Some Letters From The Pen Of Jane Austen

Some Letters From The Pen Of Jane Austen

Principally Being A Correspondence between Miss S, Mr K and Miss M on the habits of Master D

From Mr K to Miss S

Thank you for this charming epistle, which quite whelmed me in the depth of its sentiments. I trust that you will spend the day avoiding the company of Master D______, for, while he may certainly have something of the appearance of a gentlemen, I believe that beneath that exterior lurks something of a nature quite other.

Faithfully and humbly yours

Mr K______

From Miss S to Mr K

Regardless of your heartfelt concerns, I believe that avoidence of the so-called gentleman shall unfortunately be unavoidable today due to his expected appearance at his place of work. Nevertheless I shall do my utmost to appear too preoccupied to engage in conversation.

Your gay repartee as always warms my heart.

Grovellingly yours

Miss S______

From Mr K to Miss S

While I appreciate the delicate nature of your dilemma, I have grave fears that your attempts to appear preoccupied will do little to dissuade the attentions of this individual. I urge you in a manner unusually strong to forsake all contact, whatever the consquences may be. The end result of any discourse can surely only be detrimental to the good name so essential to the happiness of your person. I trust I will see you at Mistress H______'s ball.

In a bevy of sycophancy I remain endearingly yours

Mr K______

From Miss S to Mr K

I believe you have completely mistaken the nature of Master D______ and my relationship, dear Mr K______. Ours is one of enduring and everlasting platonism never to be hindered by the constraints of unearthly passions.

My heart and soul are forever yours

Miss S______

From Miss M to Miss S

Yes, but it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. I daresay that Master D______ is such a man, for despite having to enter trade being a man of no great means and such a distasteful trade at that, I believe he has recently been appointed to that great tome, the ______ ______. Therefore I urge you to extend the olive branch and use your feminine wiles to capture him.

I must go now and take a turn about the park. I too look forward to seeing you at Mistress H______'s ball and I will later be dancing some reels at Messers Bourke and Devious' establishment of no great virtue, should any of you be interested in accompanying me.

Yours &c

Miss M______

From Mr K to Miss S

I trust that my last epistle did not unduly distress or alarm you, my dear Miss S______. By no means did I intend to imply any impropriety on the part of yourself and Master D______, whom I believe has formed an unusually strong attachment to a party or parties as yet unknown to me. I have been given to understand that the strength of his affections in this case is of a force unusually strong in one of such comparatively short stature, and I should never intend to impute any slur on either his character or yours by denying the well-acknowledged existence of such a bond.

My warning was merely intended as a general piece of advice to a young woman perhaps not perfectly in tune with the currents which guide the world in which we live. In the period while Master D______ entertains the affections of this young lady (and I have no reason as yet to believe her otherwise) but has yet to formally trothe himself to her plight, any event which might be construed as involving himself with another female personage could have the most drastic and gross consequences for all concerned. I need hardly remind you that in the delicacy of your own situation such a slur could lead to your character being misrepresented in a most heinous and indelicate way, and one which might have unfortunate repercussions for your future. Nonetheless, the risk which the mere presence of Master D______ presents is such that I am forced to transgress the bounds of decency by doing so.

A copy of Miss M______'s correspondence to you on this same subject has recently fallen into my hands. I am so astounded by this remarkable document that I find myself quite unable to comment upon it, but I urge you to think most carefully upon this subject before engaging in any action that might have consequences unbecoming to your person, property and pedigree.

I remain yours and theirs and someone else's

Mr K______

From Miss S to Mr K

Your advice is welcome and sincere, but you should not have concerned yourself so. My heart does in fact belong to another person, known to you all, who would by no means intentionally cause me the slightest distress.

Monogomously yours

Miss S______

From Miss M to Miss S

Let's get butt naked and fuck.

From Mr K to Miss S

My fecundious Miss S______, I had no idea that your relationship with Master B______ had progressed so quickly, and beyond the usual warning to protect your moral virtue at all costs, I have nothing further to add. As for Miss M______, I suspect that she may well have stumbled upon the most apposite behaviour under the circumstances.

Yours unlikely to join in

Mr K______

From Miss S to Mr K

You have perhaps, over the course of our correspondence, noticed my complete fickleness when it comes to matters of the heart. Rest assured though that I would rather get butt naked and fuck Miss M______than engage in unnatural practices with Master B______.

Yours, someone else's and perhaps later tonight someone even luckier's

Miss S______

From Miss M to Miss S

I wish to apologize for my earlier outburst. I fear, I was not talking as myself having been overcome with a touch of melancholy. However, I feel much recovered after a course of leeches.

Yours in a bath of blood

Miss M______

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