(a) HyperText Markup Language.
(b) Hot Metal.
(c) Helga Tickled My Legs.
(d) Ask someone who cares.
(b) He doesn't need a house because he's always at work coding really great software by hand.
(d) I don't know but when I find out he's a dead man unless he gives me back my Franklin Mint Elvis plate with gold trim.
(a) Automatic Teller Machine.
(b) Asynchronous Transfer Mode.
(c) A Tedious Mnemonic.
(d) Parlez-vous Francais?
(a) It was a dumb idea to buy it in the first place.
(b) Monolithic software suites have no place in the future world of object-oriented component software.
(c) Red and white are not in fashion this season.
(d) It's big and it's blue.
(a) Reinstall the old 16-bit drivers and get things working?
(b) Tell them to buy a Macintosh and snigger in their face?
(c) Ask them out on a date?
(d) Question why they are affecting their productivity by listening to so-called 'rock' music?
(a) A no-brainer?
(b) A religious issue?
(c) A coin-tossing event?
(d) Something you'll never have to do?
(a) The Pentium.
(b) The Pentium Pro.
(d) A rebadged 6502 processor.
(a) Carlton Cold.
(c) Toohey's Blue.
(d) Alcohol is an evil drug and should be banned to save ourselves and our children.
(a) Plan an exciting evening with one very foxy chick.
(b) Spend the night downloading pictures of dubious taste and quality.
(c) Spend the night adding to your collection of IP addresses.
(d) Shoot yourself to avoid making a decision.
(a) The PC.
(b) The Internet.
(c) Microwave french fries.
(d) All of the above in combination.
1. (a) 4, (b) 2, (c) 1, (d) 3
2. (a) 3, (b) 4, (c) 1, (d) 2|
3. (a) 2, (b) 3, (c) 4, (d) 1
4. (a) 3, (b) 4, (c) 1, (d) 2
5. (a) 4, (b) 2, (c) 3, (d) 1
6. (a) 3, (b) 4, (c) 2, (d) 1
7. (a) 4, (b) 3, (c) 2, (d) 1
8. (a) 4, (b) 3, (c) 1, (d) 2
9. (a) 1, (b) 4, (c) 2, (d) 3
10. (a) 3, (b) 1, (c) 2, (d) 4
17-24: Well, you can use Windows under supervision, but anything beyond that makes about as much sense to you as Nena's `99 Luftballoons'. You own a copy of Word for Windows for Dummies but you hide it in your top drawer and nod sagely whenever conversations feature phrases like `TCP/IP' or `Token Ring'.
25-32: Close, but no cigar. You try to be a geek but can't cut it. You are also wondering why you stayed up all night on August 23 last year just so you could be the first to get a copy of Windows 95 when it went on sale the next day, especially when you actually own a Macintosh.
33-40: You are a techno boffin to rival B$JD. Your knowledge of technology is such that you could laugh disparagingly at the Internet surfing techniques in `The Net'. The idea of going any length of time without your laptop is so nightmarish that you have to have a glass of brandy and a good lie down just thinking about it. Congratulations, you have truly earned the moniker of `Computer Whiz'!
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