GUSWORLD
Rant Of The Day THIS RANT 12/02/97

Rant Of The Day is where I get to mouth off about whatever I feel like for however long I like. Theoretically, I'll update my whinge/opinion piece every weekday; in practice, maybe not so often.

Brady Bunch drug addiction: the shocking truth

For as long as anyone can recall, the Brady Bunch have been symbolic of wholesome American family values, extreme tackiness and polyester. Despite the flirtations with incest and bigamy in the recent movie A Very Brady Sequel, their values have been incorruptible. Until now.

It pains Gusworld to be forced into this position, but we have no choice. We have uncovered exclusive photographic evidence of drug addiction amongst the Brady clan. To be more specific: Alice is not just a sweet-natured housekeeper working as a slave for a lazy woman with six children, she's a certified aerosol abuser.

Check out the picture on the left. Is that smile merely indicative of Alice's sunny disposition? Nope, it's the gas-addled goonery of someone who's been doing something untoward with the Mr Sheen. She hasn't even bothered to conceal it in the picture. No wonder she was so happy doing all the cleaning.

In any case, we can hardly blame her for these problems. Not only did she have six neurotic children and a house with no toilet to cope with, but she also had to face the daily horrors of Mike Brady's ever-evolving hairdo (see below). That'd be enough to drive anyone to sniffing, or worse.


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