Compact Kirsty

The Essential Collection To celebrate the 2005 DVD and anthology releases, Alan Officer ran a competition to write a short story using as many Kirsty song titles as possible. I was lucky enough to produce the winning entry, and here it is:

Think you can count on me? No way, Jose -- I want out.

I'll admit our affair seemed to have the rhythm of the real thing at first. I was stoned enough to think some bloke called Terry with the words 'camel crossing' on his t-shirt had wit and charm and would be good for me. Well, we had some good days. About six.

Maybe that's unfair. When we hit the road, things weren't too bad. The fairy tale of New York, walking down Madison, glimpsing the Manhattan moon, was pretty special. Halloween in New England, cocktails in Costa Rica, watching the sun on the water, planning to sail away -- I can't complain about the travel, but I am afraid that wasn't enough.

Looking back, it's hard to believe I ever thought we had anything in common . All those dance parties at Clubland! If I never hear a single remix again, it'll be too soon. Your idea of a perfect day was skiving down the chip shop.

It really started to unravel when you began to see that girl, Caroline. You argued that was my fault - after all, you caught me out with Patrick that one time. I admit I'm no angel, but I'm not a serial liar either. How do you explain Celestine? That Otis girl? Being charged with public indecency in Soho Square? You said it was "just one of those things". I can't forget.

And by the way, you can tell your parents we've split, as I'm sure they don't know about the Roman gardens incident or that time on the beach. In any event, this'll be the ruin of your mother. She still believes in you. Stupid cow.

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